The concept of time is one that fascinates and angers. There's always either too much or too little of it to go around. And no, time has never stood still.
Right now I seem to be on the prepuce of the next phase of my life. And yet it seems all I want to do is hurtle forward and grab onto it with open arms.
It seems that no matter what stage you are on your journey you always appear to be striving and looking for something better. But then again therein lies the beauty of our existence. The hope...the longing.
Having said all this, it is time to come to terms with my age. Do I feel 18? Fok yaaa!! Do I want to be 18 again? Erm no. As much as the number doesn't seem to fit the inner, the number has afforded me some interesting twists and turns...all of which is propelling me forward through the rest of the journey.
So right now I make a decision.
Stop willing the passing of time.
Stop missing a number.
Just exist in the present.
Be present.
Do all the good you can in your present.
My musings on life, photography and mostly Buffy the Vampire Slayer... I'm trying to be insightful, I'll probably fail but yaaay fun whilst doing it!
Thursday, May 23, 2013
Making Sense...
There comes a point in your life in which years of messages seem to suddenly make sense. As if whilst you understood the words, the meaning has finally become clearer. It seems as though somewhere along your journey certain thoughts were planted, took root and now began to unfurl its leaves.
(Sorry for the imagery, I'm trying this new thing were I don't write like an illiterate douche.)
It this post has been fairly hard to put into words, the story seems to be long and convoluted and yet is only made up of a series of moments.
I knew that this year, this age was going to be something big. It was going to mean something, a year in which things would sort of fall into place. To an extent there seems to be some puzzle pieces that have found a home. Apparently this is the year of mass conscientization.
I've always been the accommodating sort and well to be honest a push over. However these last few months have in some way altered my state from Cowardly Lion to a little less Cowardly Lion- if you we're me, you'd know this is an achievement. So when anecdotes, current events and retarded conversation stirred a rage monster within I was feeling quite pleased. No I'm not the Hulk. So FBI turn away, you will not find me-er I mean him today.
Before I continue to meander along a path I'm still trying to make sense of, all I will say I that my beliefs, thoughts and resolves are becoming resolute. Not just resolute but strong. I seem to have found a sense of conviction. Color me pleased.
Now whilst I've always been a feminist at heart, I think it was purely a label thing. Im not entirely sure if i accept all the dogma that comes with the terminology but for now i don't think my attitude towards the term has been fully processed.
What I do know is that my life has been filled with strong women, tenacious women, beautiful women who have been abused, disrespected and violated. And it seems as though years of refusing to make assumptions or calls on beauty, refusing to sweep the floors whilst my male cousin played, forcefully refusing to make tea for 'the men' and various other acts of conviction, not rebellion but conviction, have led to a singular moment of clarity.
The inequality is enough.
(Sorry for the imagery, I'm trying this new thing were I don't write like an illiterate douche.)
It this post has been fairly hard to put into words, the story seems to be long and convoluted and yet is only made up of a series of moments.
I knew that this year, this age was going to be something big. It was going to mean something, a year in which things would sort of fall into place. To an extent there seems to be some puzzle pieces that have found a home. Apparently this is the year of mass conscientization.
I've always been the accommodating sort and well to be honest a push over. However these last few months have in some way altered my state from Cowardly Lion to a little less Cowardly Lion- if you we're me, you'd know this is an achievement. So when anecdotes, current events and retarded conversation stirred a rage monster within I was feeling quite pleased. No I'm not the Hulk. So FBI turn away, you will not find me-er I mean him today.
Before I continue to meander along a path I'm still trying to make sense of, all I will say I that my beliefs, thoughts and resolves are becoming resolute. Not just resolute but strong. I seem to have found a sense of conviction. Color me pleased.
Now whilst I've always been a feminist at heart, I think it was purely a label thing. Im not entirely sure if i accept all the dogma that comes with the terminology but for now i don't think my attitude towards the term has been fully processed.
What I do know is that my life has been filled with strong women, tenacious women, beautiful women who have been abused, disrespected and violated. And it seems as though years of refusing to make assumptions or calls on beauty, refusing to sweep the floors whilst my male cousin played, forcefully refusing to make tea for 'the men' and various other acts of conviction, not rebellion but conviction, have led to a singular moment of clarity.
The inequality is enough.
Friday, April 12, 2013
Growing Up & Getting On
You know there's a point in your life were you really have to admit defeat.
I admit it.
Defeated.
Defeat 1:
Being consistent has never been my forte therefore consistently blogging is something that will probably never happen.
Truth be told I spend most of my day writing so that by the time I get to my allocated 'blog-writing-time' I'm pretty much all written out.
Sadly admitting this little defeat may be one of the most grown-up things I've done in the last few days. Let's all observe a moment of silence for the awkwardness of this statement, seeing as how I totes just got engaged. Which bt-dubs high five me and fiancé! I heart this man, I would attempt to describe him but words fail me. All I will say though is that he makes my heart smile.
Defeat 2:
The second stage of admitting defeat is acknowledging my next and rather huge short coming. Growing up is hard when you still live at home. A little thing made that much worst if you're a single. What's that you ask? Well you're certainly not one.
A single aka 'the only child' offers you an individual who is pretty much a mixed bag of nuts. Note whilst personal experience is predominant in my research of this topic, I have many close friends who are also singles, we've apparently lived the same lives minus god hair- she has it, not me.
Finding myself at age 26 living at home and having developed a fairly decent relationship with the parental units, life isn't all that bad.
Till it happens. Correction of words, statements or even behaviors.
And here it is the purpose of this post. Where do you draw the line? At which point does one shift from the role of child to the role of adult?
Is it our life phase that determines how we will be treated or is it merely a case of parents will always be parents?
Gaining a significant other isn't the answer nor is a conversation discussing roles and their alterations- let be known regardless of how evolved your units may be, this course of action should be approached with caution as it almost always ends in disaster.
Finally the point which I'm seeming to side with (probably cos I'm a pansy who hates confrontation which odd given how confrontational and blunt I can be) is maybe its all in my head. It's an only child fall back answer. We have no siblings to bounce shit off and eventually decide its us that's cray cray and everyone else is perfectly sane.
This internal Hamlet like drama combined with a now unhealthy love for a certain unmentionable planned event leads me to believe I may just need a break. Back to writing fiction I think.
Whatever the case it seems that it's an issue for me and if I'm feeling it I doubt I'm alone. I mean I may be hip and cool and with it but lesbihonest an original thought is hard to come by, especially at 12:20am.
Signing off...word...yo...holla!
I admit it.
Defeated.
Defeat 1:
Being consistent has never been my forte therefore consistently blogging is something that will probably never happen.
Truth be told I spend most of my day writing so that by the time I get to my allocated 'blog-writing-time' I'm pretty much all written out.
Sadly admitting this little defeat may be one of the most grown-up things I've done in the last few days. Let's all observe a moment of silence for the awkwardness of this statement, seeing as how I totes just got engaged. Which bt-dubs high five me and fiancé! I heart this man, I would attempt to describe him but words fail me. All I will say though is that he makes my heart smile.
Defeat 2:
The second stage of admitting defeat is acknowledging my next and rather huge short coming. Growing up is hard when you still live at home. A little thing made that much worst if you're a single. What's that you ask? Well you're certainly not one.
A single aka 'the only child' offers you an individual who is pretty much a mixed bag of nuts. Note whilst personal experience is predominant in my research of this topic, I have many close friends who are also singles, we've apparently lived the same lives minus god hair- she has it, not me.
Finding myself at age 26 living at home and having developed a fairly decent relationship with the parental units, life isn't all that bad.
Till it happens. Correction of words, statements or even behaviors.
And here it is the purpose of this post. Where do you draw the line? At which point does one shift from the role of child to the role of adult?
Is it our life phase that determines how we will be treated or is it merely a case of parents will always be parents?
Gaining a significant other isn't the answer nor is a conversation discussing roles and their alterations- let be known regardless of how evolved your units may be, this course of action should be approached with caution as it almost always ends in disaster.
Finally the point which I'm seeming to side with (probably cos I'm a pansy who hates confrontation which odd given how confrontational and blunt I can be) is maybe its all in my head. It's an only child fall back answer. We have no siblings to bounce shit off and eventually decide its us that's cray cray and everyone else is perfectly sane.
This internal Hamlet like drama combined with a now unhealthy love for a certain unmentionable planned event leads me to believe I may just need a break. Back to writing fiction I think.
Whatever the case it seems that it's an issue for me and if I'm feeling it I doubt I'm alone. I mean I may be hip and cool and with it but lesbihonest an original thought is hard to come by, especially at 12:20am.
Signing off...word...yo...holla!
Friday, March 1, 2013
Caged Birds: Update Two!
Now let it be known that given
the trauma of the last 72 hours the fact that Melissa and I now have both a
lead female and male makes us both entirely happy!
Do they know the lines? No! But
do we care? Erm sort of but we can work on that! And quite honestly, after our
first meeting I’m feeling quite pleased! Having said that tonight (19 Feb 2013)
is the first official day of filming! Woo added with all kinds of hoo are being
felt! And mass amounts of freak out!
Thanks to the wonderful human’s
at the Department of Drama and Performance Studies at UKZN, we have secured
thee perfect venue for our “surreal” scenes. Do I hear the question, “Pray tell
gentle lady, what be the plot of this hallowed piece?” My response? “Ain’t
nobody got time for that! Go check it out bitch! Word! Peace out! ” *drops mike*
Let it be known that being back
in the beautiful bush like atmosphere of the Drama Department made me happy and
tingly and all kinds of ways! Note ALL theatre’s smell exactly the same! Except
the one in which you spent the vast majority of four years in. Combined with
the memories of the ghost of Studio 5, one brotha-from-anotha-motha leaving me
in the proverbial lurch whilst under attack (it was a homey, it was dark, he
was a pansy).
So lay the scene in which our filming took place, a space in
which memories haunt just like the agro theatre ghost that lives therein.
First up, lighting checks! With Melissa arranging the
camera, I began sorting out our ginormous lights whilst our actors found themselves
in various stages of undress and rehearsal. All was well till we realised that
my oh-so-fancy Nikon D3100 only shoots 21 seconds of film. Darn you,
advertising demons!!!! Quick swop to Canon and they were off! Melissa...you are a tech god! I bow down!
The first few scenes went off without a hitch! That was
until Brett decided to be his usual filthy self (dude where the heck was it at
varsity? We totes would have been bffs if I knew!!)
Followed by multiple takes, line screw up’s, general
rudeness and forgetting of lines by one singular member of the cast who-shall-not-be-named-even-though-she-knows-who-she-is-but-like-I-said-I’m-not-naming-names!
P.S Sister-friend you done good!
The night culminated with all fancy scene’s being shot and a
close to midnight walk in the rain…all the way up to main campus…with equipment
and alles in tow!
Guy’s this is promising! I’m pleased! Wooo-hooo!!
The Beginning: Caged Birds
So whilst I honestly wanted to blog about this the day it happened...I was pooped okay...rehearsals are exhausting!
So Feb 18th was d-day! First cast meeting, rehearsal slash scene blocking day. Tad bit ambitious, I won't lie? Oh and not forgetting it was also the first day our cast were meeting, saying hi, having to build some intensely awesome chemistry. Asking too much was I?
Whilst gathering at Denis Shepstone building, room 18, complete with collapsing ceiling and horror movie flickering lights, we began our fancy rehearsal.
A long night of reading, notes, dirty stories and blocking ensued. Pleased, doesn't even Begin to descibe my current state.
I wish I had taken pictures, it would have been fun! But alas I did not but I have multiple shots from the next nights! So yaaaay!
So Feb 18th was d-day! First cast meeting, rehearsal slash scene blocking day. Tad bit ambitious, I won't lie? Oh and not forgetting it was also the first day our cast were meeting, saying hi, having to build some intensely awesome chemistry. Asking too much was I?
Whilst gathering at Denis Shepstone building, room 18, complete with collapsing ceiling and horror movie flickering lights, we began our fancy rehearsal.
A long night of reading, notes, dirty stories and blocking ensued. Pleased, doesn't even Begin to descibe my current state.
I wish I had taken pictures, it would have been fun! But alas I did not but I have multiple shots from the next nights! So yaaaay!
Tuesday, February 19, 2013
Caged Birds Part 1
Howdyalles! Hope you guys are awesome...
Me,I am tired. Bushed. Why? Well part of 2013’s “Get Shit Done!” list includes mealready getting shit done!
Whatshit is getting done? Well... we’re making a movie yawl!! Woohooo!
Sowith the aid of my trusty homey Melissa you can find her on Twitter we’ve spent copious amounts oftime, i.e 3 weeks working on this little project called Can Caged Birds sing. Yes,draw the allusions you want to draw, we like it!
Aftertwo weeks of planning and preparing, going through rigorous auditions, blood,sweat and cake (see rice cakes for me!) we found or perfect cast! Pure blisspulsed through our veins until the first speed hump, 3 days prior to our firstshoot. Lead actress out. Hotly followed by recasting of lead actor and actress.
ThankfullyI have been blessed with thee bestest Galentine (aka Girl-Valentine) in the formof my bff, you can find her here. Though she spends her days wading throughapplications and court drivel, she has happily (albeit begrudgingly) filled inas our lead actress-all with no performance background. Trust me, this lady iskilling it. I’d link you to our leading male but he appears to be somewhat ofan enigma i.e. cannot be found on social media!
Nowthis short film is headed straight to the loving arms of the DurbanInternational Film Festival (if you guys are reading this, please love us and accept our submission!!! I shall make you brownies!!)
Filmingbegins tonight! Studio bound straight after work and couldn’t be more pleased!
Overand out!
Monday, February 4, 2013
Resolving to Resolute...or something
Dear, gentle readers, how wonderful it is to converse with you once again!
Evidently 2013 is set to be a busy year, as evidenced by the fact that I have renamed it "The Year of Getting Shit Done".
Normally I have a highly bohemian like need to not confine myself to the rigours of resolutions, bucket lists and the The Secret (retardedly inane book, tells you to think positive. Yes that's it.). But sadly this way of thinking has not got me as far as I'd like? Well this isn't to say I'm not fairly pleased with life in general because I am...but sometimes you just need a little more.
Which leads me to this! My little list of things to GET SHIT DONE!!!!
GET SHIT DONE
1. Learn a spot of coding.
2. Work on learning actual photography and not just dabble exclusively in macro-photography?
3. Make a bucket list.
4. Someday enter DIFF.
5. Try to stop getting 'hangry' so much, i.e. hungry-angry
6. Write a little more. It's totes a muscle.
7. Generally be nicer to everyone.
8. No doing my doormat impersonation. That shit be done.
I am painfully aware that this list is fairly similar to my resolution list, well that just cos I'm consistent so yeah, that's it.
Now bearing in mind that Marx says that man is a constantly evolving being, this list will most likely evolve and grow. So high five self and let's GET SHIT DONE!!!!!!!
Evidently 2013 is set to be a busy year, as evidenced by the fact that I have renamed it "The Year of Getting Shit Done".
Normally I have a highly bohemian like need to not confine myself to the rigours of resolutions, bucket lists and the The Secret (retardedly inane book, tells you to think positive. Yes that's it.). But sadly this way of thinking has not got me as far as I'd like? Well this isn't to say I'm not fairly pleased with life in general because I am...but sometimes you just need a little more.
Which leads me to this! My little list of things to GET SHIT DONE!!!!
GET SHIT DONE
1. Learn a spot of coding.
2. Work on learning actual photography and not just dabble exclusively in macro-photography?
3. Make a bucket list.
4. Someday enter DIFF.
5. Try to stop getting 'hangry' so much, i.e. hungry-angry
6. Write a little more. It's totes a muscle.
7. Generally be nicer to everyone.
8. No doing my doormat impersonation. That shit be done.
I am painfully aware that this list is fairly similar to my resolution list, well that just cos I'm consistent so yeah, that's it.
Now bearing in mind that Marx says that man is a constantly evolving being, this list will most likely evolve and grow. So high five self and let's GET SHIT DONE!!!!!!!
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